I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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