Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
