I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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