Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
