Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
