How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
