we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
