I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
