so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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