my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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