The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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