But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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