i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize