u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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