You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
