never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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