I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
