You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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