I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
