Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
