YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
