Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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