Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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