Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
