It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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