i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
