you turned your livingroom into a bong?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
