Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize