saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
