i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
