Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
