your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
accomplished twins. life is a go
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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