I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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