so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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