dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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