i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
