I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
