I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You left your phone here
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