idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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