I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
