Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
