Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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