if i can run in heels then i can drive
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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