Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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