I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
