I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
