Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
