Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
