a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
