so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
