I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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