Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
