Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize