I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
