Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have fence marks all over my body
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
