my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
