11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
