he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
