What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
