Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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