Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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