I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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