whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
